It's funny how a little thing like updated headshots makes you feel like you are making progress in this business, when who can really ever define progress? Irregardless they were so fun to shoot and it's always a blast looking at the outcome. I'm auditioning for graduate school for the 3rd year in a row this February in Chicago. I've gone with my best friend from Austin each year. It's like a little reunion for us. I haven't done any shakespeare in months, so that could turn out to be disastrous. Because I'm working on so much film and Television and the energy is so different, I almost feel like I forgot how to do shakespeare even though I've done so much of it in the past.
I have to tell someone my dirty little secret. To be honest, I don't really think I want to go to grad school because I'm not completely convinced it leads to a career outside of someday teaching. I want to go to visit chicago and see my best friend. To be young and travel. I'm beginning to get far too excited about opportunities in La to drop them and move. However, life feels like it operates this way, just as soon as you get adjusted, you move on. But I supppose that keeps you from resenting or getting too bored of any particular stage of life. Sometimes I think I'm spastic. What I want changes all the time. Sometimes I say too much- like probably now... As long as it's confession time, I sometimes HATE facebook because it becomes a platform for everyone to brag about their lives and perception is a pretty strong reality for everyone else.
Back to acting, We shot on location downtown, which was fun and I discovered a new little area of studios and "trendy" coffee shops- you know the type- burlap on the walls and a guy with full beard, beanie and toms sitting by the window and don't forget the clark kent glasses. I think a lot of people in La try too hard, but again, who am I to speak so condescendingly? Commercial and theatrical with good lighting and a good expression- to see it in the eyes, that's the key I'm told. Print, e mail, get em out there!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Can't Sleep!
So... it's 1:30am and I cannot sleep. I just keep tossing an turning and thinking about the billions of ways that I can advance my career. more auditions. website. new headshots, reels, being a more charming and genuine networker, get an agent- why is that sooo difficult?... And then like all actors, I imagine all the possible ways I could get discovered- most of them miraculous and highly impractical, but hey, points for imagination.
I am frustrated. But I'm told that's a given in this field and I should get used to revisiting this emotion often.
Since I last wrote (Obviously not very thorough with the blog) I have done countless extra/audience work and I have a consistent dinner theatre gig and some minor tv stuff. I don't know what I expected. But it was to be further than this. Maybe that I would walk into an audition room and everyone would be overcome by my charm and talent, cast me and shove all the waiting actors down the stairs.. Needless to say, I don't think that has happened yet... or maybe that I would have something to write home about or maybe I haven't found my niche. Or maybe I'm just part of the mass of skinny cute brunettes who all do the same tricks. Who can say?
The truth is that there is no one answer. But I do love how everyone tries to supply an answer to make me feel better (That was sarcasm).
I don't know if you have ever loved or wanted something soo desperately that it immobilizes you. There are so many things I am skilled in that I could take bigger risks in and experiment with, mainly because they aren't remotely important or passion-infused for me so I feel the freedom to be bold. Because acting is so precious, I get to this point where it is just too painful. I have to take a break. Last month, I spent 26 days in Hong Kong teaching children English, playing with orphans and painting buildings. I wanted to get out of my own selfishness. And yet, I come back even more frustrated and hungry to do SOMETHING.
I know, I need to count the small wins. I need to say "screw you!!!" in my mind to everyone who doesn't cast me and move on. I need to hustle more. ....
But then I think this mindset is addictive and destructive. Where does it end? For example, I do get a big break in a tv series. Let's just pretend for the argument that it is successful. But then, what about my film career? And so I get into the movies and also do well. But I want 2 Oscars instead of one and ect and ect. I will eat myself alive!!!
I have a best friend in Austin also trying to make it as an actress and I tell her every day to move to La and she pitches me all the reasons Austin is a good start. She said the most profound and simple thing to me "You have to do it for the love and nothing else and trust that you have something special to give, something they NEED to see." And I like that. Why? Because it makes me feel like positive things could happen, which I probably desperately need at this point.
Is any of this coherent.... i think I'll rename the blog "Venting actress" but then no one would read it.
I don't know if you feel better, but I do and that is important. If you feel better yay!!!!! If not, why did you even read this far?
To be cont..........
I am frustrated. But I'm told that's a given in this field and I should get used to revisiting this emotion often.
Since I last wrote (Obviously not very thorough with the blog) I have done countless extra/audience work and I have a consistent dinner theatre gig and some minor tv stuff. I don't know what I expected. But it was to be further than this. Maybe that I would walk into an audition room and everyone would be overcome by my charm and talent, cast me and shove all the waiting actors down the stairs.. Needless to say, I don't think that has happened yet... or maybe that I would have something to write home about or maybe I haven't found my niche. Or maybe I'm just part of the mass of skinny cute brunettes who all do the same tricks. Who can say?
The truth is that there is no one answer. But I do love how everyone tries to supply an answer to make me feel better (That was sarcasm).
I don't know if you have ever loved or wanted something soo desperately that it immobilizes you. There are so many things I am skilled in that I could take bigger risks in and experiment with, mainly because they aren't remotely important or passion-infused for me so I feel the freedom to be bold. Because acting is so precious, I get to this point where it is just too painful. I have to take a break. Last month, I spent 26 days in Hong Kong teaching children English, playing with orphans and painting buildings. I wanted to get out of my own selfishness. And yet, I come back even more frustrated and hungry to do SOMETHING.
I know, I need to count the small wins. I need to say "screw you!!!" in my mind to everyone who doesn't cast me and move on. I need to hustle more. ....
But then I think this mindset is addictive and destructive. Where does it end? For example, I do get a big break in a tv series. Let's just pretend for the argument that it is successful. But then, what about my film career? And so I get into the movies and also do well. But I want 2 Oscars instead of one and ect and ect. I will eat myself alive!!!
I have a best friend in Austin also trying to make it as an actress and I tell her every day to move to La and she pitches me all the reasons Austin is a good start. She said the most profound and simple thing to me "You have to do it for the love and nothing else and trust that you have something special to give, something they NEED to see." And I like that. Why? Because it makes me feel like positive things could happen, which I probably desperately need at this point.
Is any of this coherent.... i think I'll rename the blog "Venting actress" but then no one would read it.
I don't know if you feel better, but I do and that is important. If you feel better yay!!!!! If not, why did you even read this far?
To be cont..........
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
My thoughts on Being new to La
LA! Like all young naive actresses, I decided to come to LA to begin my career. Afterall, there are a lot of opportunities here. I have been in LA for about 5 months now and I think that is long enough to develop some opinions. Take what you want, leave the rest:
1. Hollywood is cheesy, overrated and not clean. It's interesting when I always meet people and tell them I am an actress in Hollywood. In their minds, they automatically over-glamorize everything. In fact, my life always feels the coolest when I'm talking to people or recalling in retrospect.
2. Unfortunately, it really helps to know people. It is a blessing because you have many different avenues to choose from. However, it is also difficult because you have many different avenues to choose from. I am often overwhelmed by the millions of rabbit trails. You have to stay very focused in this city or you will get lost.
3. I LOVE that every homeless person I meet tells me about Jesus. I think it's great.
4. It always surprises me how when you mention acting, EVERYONE has a cousin or gym buddie or mother's sister's co-worker's friend who is also an actor. It has become a tiring conversation. The worst is that they always pretend that they understand. In reality, the ONLY people who can understand an actor's life is other actors. Period. But I smile and nod as they give me pointers.
5. David Mamet's Book, TRUE AND FALSE is my favorite book in the world and mostly because when I auditioned for Yale, NYU, Brown, UCSD, UMKC, USC and Harvard for my MFA, they all rejected me. So the reading is rather cathartic, especially the parts about Meisner.
6. I think it is HILARIOUS how everyone says when you don't get a role, it isn't personal. That's ridiculous If I don't get a role, I hope it is very personal because acting should be personal. I am pursuing a career based on my unique personality. You see, we have to be consistent. If I am hired, I want the reason to be because I fit the role because of my personal choices. Don't lie to me when I'm rejected and say all of the sudden it isn't personal.
7. You must walk into an audition focused and give your best read and be fulfilled in knowing you gave a good read. Then move on. Never be waiting for a specific project. For as we all know, any project could be dropped at any moment for any reason or no reason at all. You don't have a gig until you are shooting and even then they can drop you after the pilot. So be excited and prepared, but don't bet your life on it. And especially don't walk around like a conceited prick telling all your aquaintences.
8. I actually like West Hollywood and cheesily enough, the Grove. I also like Culver City and Beverly Hills and Studio City.... You have to be in the right places to find the trendy bars and coffee shops.
9.. You have to get connected to a supportive group. It gives you hope and the connections are priceless. No one wants to be here alone.
I never thought I'd say this, but LA is actually growing on me. And it is fun to be on the adventure of making my dreams come true. The journey will be worthwhile.
1. Hollywood is cheesy, overrated and not clean. It's interesting when I always meet people and tell them I am an actress in Hollywood. In their minds, they automatically over-glamorize everything. In fact, my life always feels the coolest when I'm talking to people or recalling in retrospect.
2. Unfortunately, it really helps to know people. It is a blessing because you have many different avenues to choose from. However, it is also difficult because you have many different avenues to choose from. I am often overwhelmed by the millions of rabbit trails. You have to stay very focused in this city or you will get lost.
3. I LOVE that every homeless person I meet tells me about Jesus. I think it's great.
4. It always surprises me how when you mention acting, EVERYONE has a cousin or gym buddie or mother's sister's co-worker's friend who is also an actor. It has become a tiring conversation. The worst is that they always pretend that they understand. In reality, the ONLY people who can understand an actor's life is other actors. Period. But I smile and nod as they give me pointers.
5. David Mamet's Book, TRUE AND FALSE is my favorite book in the world and mostly because when I auditioned for Yale, NYU, Brown, UCSD, UMKC, USC and Harvard for my MFA, they all rejected me. So the reading is rather cathartic, especially the parts about Meisner.
6. I think it is HILARIOUS how everyone says when you don't get a role, it isn't personal. That's ridiculous If I don't get a role, I hope it is very personal because acting should be personal. I am pursuing a career based on my unique personality. You see, we have to be consistent. If I am hired, I want the reason to be because I fit the role because of my personal choices. Don't lie to me when I'm rejected and say all of the sudden it isn't personal.
7. You must walk into an audition focused and give your best read and be fulfilled in knowing you gave a good read. Then move on. Never be waiting for a specific project. For as we all know, any project could be dropped at any moment for any reason or no reason at all. You don't have a gig until you are shooting and even then they can drop you after the pilot. So be excited and prepared, but don't bet your life on it. And especially don't walk around like a conceited prick telling all your aquaintences.
8. I actually like West Hollywood and cheesily enough, the Grove. I also like Culver City and Beverly Hills and Studio City.... You have to be in the right places to find the trendy bars and coffee shops.
9.. You have to get connected to a supportive group. It gives you hope and the connections are priceless. No one wants to be here alone.
I never thought I'd say this, but LA is actually growing on me. And it is fun to be on the adventure of making my dreams come true. The journey will be worthwhile.
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