You never know!

            I went to an audition for a play last night and it was actually a blast. The show was the comedy, "Buying the Moose," so naturally the auditions were outrageous and funny. I thought it would be a really great show to get involved in, not just because the script was so fun, but because the director was so warm and welcoming. He was artistic and a good communicator. I often find it is so hard to work with a truly talented director. Not just someone who has a vision, but someone who knows how to speak to actors and allow them to try new and fun things. I feel he would be someone who would truly bring out the best in the cast. And the prospect of working with a director like that made me more excited than the show itself. I suppose it has been a while since I have done a play, so the magic of the theatre was appealing to me as well.  
            I got the call this morning that I wasn't cast, but the assistant director wants to use me in an upcoming you tube web series that she is producing. So, although I didn't get the role, it did lead to another opportunity, which is fun. I think its hilarious because theatre people always think i would do so well on film because of my jawline, yet the film people tend to think I am just another pretty face. I'm sorry if thats too honest, but heres an upbeat thought to balance it out: I am doing more auditions in the past six months than I've done in two years, so I can't complain much.. I just need to find my show. Walking into this audition, I had a feeling I was a little to youthful for the female roles available, but I didn't care. I love auditions, its like a game and it energizes my soul, so I need to do this (acting). For better or worse it is my life force.

updates

I received an edited short that will be submitted to festivals this week, it is always exciting to see what the editors did. They have so much power.

I auditioned for a union show of the secret garden and I was most excited to audition in a yorkshire accent, which is actually incredibly difficult. It was one of the first auditions I went to where accents were encouraged. I spent 5 days on youtube preparing the accent and making sure my monologue had all the right lilts. Amy Walker is an incredible help for learning new accents, I deeply admire her work.

I'm sure there couldn't have been a greater contrast in my enthusiasm for my monologue and their disappointment. To be fair I am a little old for the role of martha, however the "thank you" I received was far too polite. AGH! I hate polite "thank you"s! But the takeaway is I did a difficult accent and a grand acting job, I felt totally relaxed and confident in the room.

I am getting better at the technical side of submitting videos, since so many more auditions these days are video submissions that I tape myself. It's a whole new market I'm adjusting to and learning to stand out in. I sent one in tonight and I am quite proud of myself no matter what it yields.

Michael Testa Workshop

I thoroughly enjoyed Michael Testa's workshop. He gave us sides to quickly review and then we did scenes for the class and we had our peers critique us, which was actually quite helpful. It's interesting to see what other people see and I was encouraged by how much I disagreed with my classmates. I think that is a testament to how truly subjective casting can be. You have to have the right people in your corner.

I was proud of myself because I was able to quickly connect with a very deep piece, to the point of shaking, tearing and intense emotion, but my scene was flattened by my partner who played a mood instead of achieving an objective #suckyactingpartners. Sorry if thats too honest... I will admit that the back and forth between two actresses in another scene made both of them look better, which says something; even though I know in this town you have to act with a monotone reader on the other end and sell it.

Because of my background in theatre, I have been afraid to overact in many los angeles film auditions. The fact that everyone thinks my theatre education destroyed me for film has been made more than obvious to me. However, when I did my scene for Michael, he said I could go even further and make it even deeper. My big takeaway is that he said I am too much in my head. "Christina, you're a very technical actor. I see that you are smart and making the reading dynamic, but you are too much in your head and its sabotaging" he commented as he intently leaned in his chair and focused on me. I guess after a career in casting you can sometimes break down an actor in two minutes. I do have the fault of watching myself as I perform. Maybe I can lessen this if I can't make it go away. Overall, it was quite productive. I like Michael because he told other actors in the room to fight against their type cast when all I've heard for so long is to make sure your brand is specific to one role. I guess that was refreshing and inspiring to my inner artist. It was a fun afternoon.

The Actor Grind

Sorry, I haven't been so frequent with posts.. life moves too fast for a blog, unless its your job lol. Anyway, I went to a seminar with Stephanie Nash who is an acting coach in LA and I would recommend her to anyone that needs tweaking or bold choices before a callback. she has a background working with mostly directors so that helps in the audition room. 

Her technique is what fascinated me mostly.. after all her training at yale and teaching 18 years, she has come up with a simple and effective method of quickly focusing right before you walk into that room. It was helpful as I tend toward nervousness in auditions that I care about. It was a free seminar and more than worth the price of admission. She is personable and on your side… I would divulge specific secrets, but I don't think shed appreciate it much, you understand of course ;)

In other news, I wrapped on a 13 episode mini web series that I shot with friends from UCB improv. I am so blessed to have a talented friend who can edit as I have yet to learn the true love of detailed hours of editing. We filmed the whole thing on an iPhone, which came out with impressive quality actually…the silly part is that it loses production quality when you upload it to Facebook because you cant upload it directly unless you want to pay money, so we did it from youtube… but really Facebook…sellout much.  I guess Facebook can really do whatever they want. Anyway, aside from the loss in quality from uploading, I was really happy with the editing and acting. all around it was a blast! Who doesn't have fun working with their friends??

In other news, I did a short at a beautiful home location last week. I am excited to see the finished product as we took so many shots. Got to meet some new people and it was an enjoyable day. I learned a little bit more about lighting and camera placement to avoid  reflections (mirrors/glass that shows the camera/crew) so it was a good learning experience. It was also the first short I had done where I was the only actor and it was actually super fun to play off of my surroundings and the script. Yay for firsts!!

My 30 Day Challenge

Hello, again...Well, I did go on auditions with Trio Talent and gleaned some good experiences, however  I refused to pay a ridiculous amount of money for new headshots, so they dropped me. Somehow I wasn't as surprised or shocked as I should have been. Of course, I was in the middle of planning a wedding, so I was so stinking in love and ever so slightly distracted. P.S. Women, you don't need a wedding planner!!! You can totally do it, it does take a lot of organization and planning, but your wedding will truly be all yours... but thats a topic for another day. 

Right now, we are talking about acting, about art about the inner artist. I haven't done anything I would consider to be exciting in about a year. I am still doing dinner theatre and I am grateful for that at least. Now I am newly married and therefore becoming more introspective (if that's even possible) about what I truly want out of life. I am so happy! My husband is a gift sent from heaven above and I am truly grateful I have someone to build a family and a legacy with whose passion for life matches my own. 

However, in acting, I am finding that I am just really unsuccessful at being successful. Don't get me wrong, I know that I am a passionate through artist that produces good work but I do not have thick skin, that I take things personally (because after all my art and performance is more of the most intimate parts of me), that I am not the most successful networker, that I am horrible at smoozing people and saying flattering things that I don't mean. I am bad at stepping on people to get ahead and getting any kind of actual progress from a "mixer". Actually, its amazing that my inner artist isn't dead, she's so starved to death. 

All of this to say that I am deciding to take a new approach. I am going to do something fun. I am going to do something artistic that makes me happy, something that I don't have to push or make viral or worry about the quality before sending it to a casting director. I want to do something entirely selfish, just for myself...the types of projects I always wanted to do and coincidently they don't pay anything, which is an essential part of the first step because then it will truly be for art itself. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems working with networks and on paid projects, I'm just taking a break from endlessly driving myself, feeling guilty and hating on myself for my lack of progress in financially being established in the industry. This is an experiment of random inspiration and it will last for 30 days... because that's practical. anyone can do anything for 30 days. And we will see if it was worth the effort or not? My estimate is that it will be productive, mostly in bringing back my confidence and reminding myself why I'm torturing myself with this career. That's actually not true, I already know exactly why I'm torturing myself with a career in acting... I hate every other job and it is the one thing that makes me feel truly alive and the most myself....I suppose I am one of those dramatic types ;) 

I went to see a show at a community theatre the other day. When I was "hot to trot" in acting school, I would have rather been a marine biologist than do community theatre, yet here I am just wanting to be onstage...just wanting to do a project.  I am looking at equity auditions as well. The stage, nothing is so inspiring as the stage. 

Anyway... so here are the rules for my 30 day challenge: 

1. I have to do one artistic thing everyday either towards a project or audit an acting class or write a part of a script or monologue or whatever my heart desires

2. The activity has to be fulfilling and fun.

3. I cannot criticize my work, I must be nice to my inner "starving artist" (see what I did there?...its metaphorical hehe...oh never mind) or she really might die

That's simple right... No huge time commitment, just fun. 30 days. In life I've learned you must first keep the promises you make to yourself, so that's where I'm restarting from and the inspiration and motivation should come from there. Well, that's the plan haha. 

I'm Back!!!

So, I definitely took a hiatus from blogging for like six months, but sometimes so many things happen that you can't always remember to write about them. Anyway, one of my best friends bought me a camara, so I have been making all these silly videos and they are all TERRIBLE. I have such a hard time finding what is funny and interesting. I can blog, but somehow writing scripts escaped me... I just don't get it! I havent learned how to make people sound real. I am still debating about putting them on my youtube channel... and having people vote on which one is the worst haha.

In other news, I am leaving MZA agency and tomorrow I have an interview with Trio Talent Agency for commercial representation and I am hoping all goes well. I sent a mailout to 60 different agencies in Los Angeles at the beginning of December and they were the only one to ask me for an interview. They are sag franchised, so that's important and more importanly their clients are booking... booking good stuff. I am so ready to get into those rooms and get in front of the camara!!!

Also, I got back one of the projects I worked on last April! It was the one I was waiting for to redo my reel, so that is in the works as well :)

I also submitted to be on a reality-tv style tv show, I hope hope hope hope that works out! It would be such an amazing experience!

Other than that, this acting life is an emotional roller-coaster. I am so grateful to my family and friends for their support, or I would probably turn into a crazy person. Sometimes you forget that you are talented until someone reminds you... and that sounds terrible, but its honest. There is so much talent in this city, when I end up making it, it will be a God thing because I am so bad at networking and building a career. It comes naturally to a lot of people, but I have to really practice at it... also, I live in the stone ages and suck at editing my own stuff, but I am learning all that too... so eventually the kinks will work out, at least thats the plan lol.

I am getting better at being happy for my successful friends. I used to get sooooo jealous and I would actually be mad whenever someone booked something because it reminded me of how far behind I am and how pathetic I feel. However, everyone has their own journey and mine is beautiful, not perfect and definitely not what I expected, but I truly believe that at the end, it will all make sense and in the meantime, I am grateful! Grateful for my health, my relationships, my passion and any time I get to use my gifts to perform. I've been in LA doing this acting thing coming up on three years and I still kind of feel I'm where I started, but I remind myself over and over that isn't true. My identity is not in what I accomplish or book in life. That is secondary... and besides I cant control everything so I'm not going to drive myself crazy with the "what ifs" ...

Whatever you have in your life that you long to accomplish, but cannot seem to achieve, just be reminded you are not alone and that my friend is the beauty of life :)


annnnd... this is a bbq chx pizza from an audition trip I took to chicago!!!! YUM, its about the delicious things in life!!! If you haven't had chicago pizza (like int he city of chicago) put it on your bucket list!!!

The Breakdown

I don't know if I should even write this entry, but I decided o be honest with myself about what's real. I decided not not feed the illusion of a perfect flawless success story and market my life as everyone else is in the habit of doing: only presenting the positive parts and omitting all the negative. After all, perception is reality right? (Esp with all this social networking) But, I decided that I'd rather be real than a cool kid.

 So, every once in a while, I will get so overwhelmed with my goals vs. where I am currently at in life and it deeply frustrates me to the point where I will have what I label as a "breakdown," which is basically a crying session, where I let myself vent everything that I'm feeling, selfish, honest, hurt thoughts about life. I got off work from the restaurant today after it was incredibly slow and I walked out the door with twenty-one dollars. Yep. Ugh. I'm 25! I'm better than this! I have a college education! I was Valedictorian! I had my own talk show, directed and produced many works!!! What have I become? why do I feel like such a loser? Ugh. The money/ time battle. Wasn't I supposed to be better at this? Wasn't I supposed to conquer the world and do great things? and here I waste my time earning just twenty one dollars for the day?! Do I really have what it takes? I can't afford to live like this forever! It's getting old budgeting so strictly and never being able to buy stuff! I'm trying and failing! AGGGHHHHH!!!!

Well, that's the essence of it. And then I ended up in a heap on the floor sobbing deeply, my tears dropping onto the carpet. When am I going to grow up? When is everything gonna work out? Maybe I should sell out like all my other actor friends and do the 9 to 5 until I'm so depressed I jump off a cliff? Okay, sorry trying not to keep this too morbid. And then I water the front yard and do my laundry and I feel this immense release and I feel so much more free. I allow myself to have "a day off" from the career, make room for my shortcomings. Then the next day I feel unusually motivated.

The cool thing is that I am looking at starting my own business through this company, Arbonne. When it goes well, I will have a flexible schedule and money to compensate my career and pay these nagging loans! I am praying with everything in me that this works out, so I can get my life and myself back! It's time for a big change anyway. I'm restless for an answer. I think God has heard my prayers and wailing after all... I start my first party in two days and I'm beyond stoked for a new opportunity!