What's Wrong with my Acting????!!!!

I was getting into a rut with my character. If you've ever acted you know what I mean. You get extreme. You've done it so many times, you think... is this even funny? Is it good? Is it stale? What about that other actress in the show? Is she completely outshining me???!!! Oh reader, don't roll your eyes! You know exactly what I'm talking about! I know, that's not the point and comparison is poison to the actor and blah blah blah. I think I'm just over all the actor speech, lets be real. You want a good review. You want to be thought of for future casting opportunities. And most importantly, you want the personal satisfaction of doing well, abandoning. nailing it on the head, so to speak...

I always think its funny...well, not funny, but strange when actors say that they aren't extroverted or social, that they don't do well in big groups or have social anxiety. They always defend themselves so genuinely, but I question it.. mostly because the ones that claim it are always the life of the party. Sorry, tangent... Actually, strike that, not sorry.

Anyways.... I was in a rut and it bothered me, (sheesh, actors can be soooo insecure about their art. But it's because it matters so stinkin' much. I don't care or worry or even think about things that are inconsequential, so the valued information/ activities consume my mind.)

Right, the rut. Thankfully, I am surrounded in a city with billions and I think that might actually be true. Billions of artists, many of them actors. But this time, I was speaking to a director friend. I didn't even mention my concern, but we were talking about acting. "Yeah, this book I'm reading says, it's really important not to judge your character." And it convicted me. Sure, we talked about a myriad of other things, but this resonated in my actor brain. Oh, wow. I totally was judging my character. I put her in a box. (I play a floosy, so in my mind, she was "that" girl). There was a disconnect and she was flat because she wasn't real... I had to justify her, and honestly so. I improved my back story, my moment before and then I came into rehearsal the next night, so ready to play around and try new things. I made some adjustments and the director ate it up. "Great choices!" Why is affirmation so wonderful? And it feels good. It feels right, it makes sense!!! Finally! I am a real actress... at least until the next time I have a dilemma with a role... that was a joke.

We move into our official space tomorrow and I cant wait to see what that brings to the show, which is already so funny. It's fun to do scripts that are well written. You would think that's a given, but you'd be surprised.

Take away: No judging your character. Simple and Fundamental, yes... but sometimes we forget these things.....