That moment you decide everything has got to change

So, went to my improv practice group yesterday and we practiced grounding everything. We did some very serious material and then added an element that was ridiculous. The element was present, but not the focus of the scene. For example, my partner and I were at the funeral of our best friend. I start to cry imagining the coffin. In my head, I think it's completely inappropriate to cry in an improv class, but it was an honest reaction... we continue the scene and part of the way through, my partner has these crazy loud farts (given by the back line) and we couldn't talk about them except to react to the smell in our body languages. I went from crying to almost breaking because it was so funny! I was dying. Anyway, we all have really great chemistry together and maybe we can start performing together eventually? We'll see.

After a coffee date with my friend, I went to audit Ryan R. Williams class. He is working in hollywood, is writing a book now, I think.. anyway, he is very intense typical LA man, but the good kind. He is passionate about what he does, but doesn't tolerate laziness or stupidity. I find that's how a lot of the people in Hollywood are now because no one has time to waste. I had a headache and I was trying so hard to focus and he gave a 2 hour class on scene work and preparation before we ever meet with a partner. We have to put in the work.. and it wasn't anything revolutionary, nothing I hadn't heard before, but I got convicted. For all these auditions as of late, I've just been memorizing, finding beats and "cementing" my work as he would call it. I have overlooked the value of reading the whole script and a good analysis, analyzing beats and marks and putting the time in to make a scene good. He had the auditors in groups to put up a scene and I was fortunately paired with this other girl from groundlings. She listened well, so we were able to put up a fun, simple scene with a beginning, middle, end and the class was laughing, they were on board. He said thank you for presenting something that was very "castable" and "safe." He said with preparation and work, we could do some deeper, richer work. He also mentioned I needed technical work with eye lines, which could be remedied quickly. and that's true. If anything, I need technical work to combine my acting into something that can be filmed and sold. Anyway, he gave his speech and it touched me. I am a professional from now on. I don't do half-way work and I'm not going to memorize lines for an audition the day before. I am going to respect myself and respect the script. I will be the best. Not number 2 or 3, but number 1. I am so over this wishy-washy. It;s time to be a better actress. It's time to book!