Distractions

Sometimes, you just don't feel like writing... particularly if you are a writer type. Why? Because you know that what you have to say wont sound brilliant or interesting, so why write anything mediocre? Why be anything less than genius... or you get "busy" but its probably mostly because you're afraid of what you'll find when you sit down to write. You might find yourself being to honest and are afraid of what you might really think as opposed to what you tell yourself all the time. I have to constantly remind myself that a slow two weeks is not the end of my career. Dramatic, I know. You should try to spend a day as me. I drive myself crazy and push myself so hard.... I exhaust myself and its most likely unnecessarily, too bad I can't just turn off my emotions... haha.

Anyways... whats new? I am working out a contract with an agency and they are pulling strings to get me sag eligible, so that I can work on real stuff... finally!!! and I'm getting some updated pictures. More specific pictures for my casting instead of the generic "theatrical" and "commercial" shots I have now... We'll see. I am speaking with a lot of photographers and I noticed that besides their quality of work and pricing, a huge factor in my decision will be their people skills. I ask myself, "Do I like this person?" And the ones that I have had more friendly conversations with have won over the more professional. At the end of the day, the cost will be my deciding factor. However, I imagine myself as a casting director... when money is no issue and you just want to pick the best one and I'm sure they want (yes, talented... duh) but when everyone is at a certain level of talent and has all the red tape/ experience out of the way, I bet they choose the people that they like.. just as I would in picking a photographer. I am a very very professional person. I take what I do very seriously, but maybe I should invest time in being kinder? I dont know.. I'll do an experiment and keep you posted on the results....

Oh, and I recently got a boyfriend... This is my very first. I know, I'm 24... shouldnt I have gone through a few by now. But, I am very career oriented you see. I have always dated a lot of people. Mostly several people at once and things would fizzle out before it got serous for one reason or another. Anyway, I bring this up to say that this new development might be a conflict for my career. They will both be competing for my time and I will have to discipline myself to stay focused... It's a distraction in my mind from what I really want to do. Do I have a soul? Is that a kosher thing to say? If it came between him and a big acting break... I'd choose the latter.... but who knows?? Maybe opposed to all popular belief I will be the first person ever to have their cake and eat it too...I don't know how other artists manage their relationships... Maybe because I'm such a loyal and devoted person, I'm afraid to commit to even the title of "girlfriend" because I know I will get attached and adore him and find ways to weasel in time with him, which means less time running lines/ submitting/ making phone calls.... I haven't decided fully how I feel about it, if you haven't noticed, because after all, he is wonderful. ugh!!! Life! but I am grateful. There are worse problems to have.