Killian's Workshop and a Revelation

So, Killian has us work on a new commercial each week and this one was with a couple partners. Normally, at a commercial audition (like the one I had last week) when you have partners, you have at least two seconds to say hello/ banter before you walk in the room, but Killian requires complete silence before. This creates a tense environment to try to work and is not helpful for me personally because I am very much a verbal processor. I get what he is trying to do: prep us professionally, get us to think and be creative silently. I suppose it has helped me realize how much of my creative process is verbal collaboration with others. That is when I do my best work. I guess I need to start figuring out a better way to creatively process.. through writing in the lobby when I have my sides? or Imagining? I don't know! I also learned that it helps for me to write out a very very specfic timeline of when lines are said and facial expressions are changed and banter/ sighs/ pauses can occur and to do my own thing in the room. To be a force and LEAD my group and obviously be open to listening if anyone can bring anything else. But I guess I'm learning that the other actors in the room aren't that dependable. I want this. I have to book, irregardless if others are taking it seriously or not.... This is very important to me and I have to treat it that way despite the "looks" I get in the lobby. Commercials are a lot of focus and because it is so fast, every second is precious. Every second is gold, Every second should be part of a great performance. It's a lot to think about and yet make it seem all relaxed and flawless in the room.....

Anyway, it's been fun because I got to go out to eat at Thai Palms on Hollywood Blvd with my actor friend who is visiting from Seattle. We got a group together and the papaya salad almost burned my tongue off! It was AMAZING! Highly recommend it!

After my class with Killian, we met up again to catch the 11 pm UCB show. 4 comedians and I discovered that the key to stand up comedy is much like the key to improv or commercials or any acting- based arena: 100% confidence and 0% fear. Even if you feel like retreating in yourself you cannot show any type of wavering or doubt ever... and for whatever reason, this is what people like to see in a performance. I wonder if it's psychological.. like as humans we need to find someone secure in themselves so we ten can feel secure... anyway, that is what this city is after--- boldness and confidence...sprinkled in with a decent personality, nice smile and someone who is generally kind and responsible... but mostly bold and confident. This is my next goal of what I will try to be... bold and confident. I will walk in to class next week and possibly screw up really bad, but I will do it with pure confidence. At the end of Killian's class, he showed us a clip of Louis Armstrong scatting with Danny Kay and his point was their complete confidence and joy in performing-- that is what we should strive for. We have to want to be in the room more than anything else in this world. Because if you dont want it more than anyone else there, someone else will. "You must be a FORCE in this city" That's what stuck with me more than anything else that he said.

At the end of the day, I know I'm not perfect and that I don't have it all figured out, but gosh I love acting and I love learning and I love working creatively... and even if it doesn't show up on camera now, I will find a way to make it show up and keep pressing on, learning from my mistakes, because sheesh... I can imagine that I will make a lot of them... and that is the life and the journey that I would love and passionately live.