Right now, we are talking about acting, about art about the inner artist. I haven't done anything I would consider to be exciting in about a year. I am still doing dinner theatre and I am grateful for that at least. Now I am newly married and therefore becoming more introspective (if that's even possible) about what I truly want out of life. I am so happy! My husband is a gift sent from heaven above and I am truly grateful I have someone to build a family and a legacy with whose passion for life matches my own.
However, in acting, I am finding that I am just really unsuccessful at being successful. Don't get me wrong, I know that I am a passionate through artist that produces good work but I do not have thick skin, that I take things personally (because after all my art and performance is more of the most intimate parts of me), that I am not the most successful networker, that I am horrible at smoozing people and saying flattering things that I don't mean. I am bad at stepping on people to get ahead and getting any kind of actual progress from a "mixer". Actually, its amazing that my inner artist isn't dead, she's so starved to death.
All of this to say that I am deciding to take a new approach. I am going to do something fun. I am going to do something artistic that makes me happy, something that I don't have to push or make viral or worry about the quality before sending it to a casting director. I want to do something entirely selfish, just for myself...the types of projects I always wanted to do and coincidently they don't pay anything, which is an essential part of the first step because then it will truly be for art itself. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems working with networks and on paid projects, I'm just taking a break from endlessly driving myself, feeling guilty and hating on myself for my lack of progress in financially being established in the industry. This is an experiment of random inspiration and it will last for 30 days... because that's practical. anyone can do anything for 30 days. And we will see if it was worth the effort or not? My estimate is that it will be productive, mostly in bringing back my confidence and reminding myself why I'm torturing myself with this career. That's actually not true, I already know exactly why I'm torturing myself with a career in acting... I hate every other job and it is the one thing that makes me feel truly alive and the most myself....I suppose I am one of those dramatic types ;)
I went to see a show at a community theatre the other day. When I was "hot to trot" in acting school, I would have rather been a marine biologist than do community theatre, yet here I am just wanting to be onstage...just wanting to do a project. I am looking at equity auditions as well. The stage, nothing is so inspiring as the stage.
Anyway... so here are the rules for my 30 day challenge:
1. I have to do one artistic thing everyday either towards a project or audit an acting class or write a part of a script or monologue or whatever my heart desires
2. The activity has to be fulfilling and fun.
3. I cannot criticize my work, I must be nice to my inner "starving artist" (see what I did there?...its metaphorical hehe...oh never mind) or she really might die
That's simple right... No huge time commitment, just fun. 30 days. In life I've learned you must first keep the promises you make to yourself, so that's where I'm restarting from and the inspiration and motivation should come from there. Well, that's the plan haha.
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