I was talking with a friend the other day about how impatient I am for something, ANYTHING to happen for me. Harrassing agencies for some reason hasn't worked out. They have resisted my charm haha. I sort of could potentially understand them from an incident that happened yesterday. Hear me out. I got a random e mail from this creeper guy I went on a date (singular) with back in September once. He leaves me lengthy voicemails every two months, which was incredibly annoying, but whatever... but now he found my e mail address, dang it! And he is persistent... but in the worst way possible. I wonder if I am like that... If I am to the agency a creepy stalker that you are considering a restraining order for. Well, there's only one way to find out. What a story that would be! I've never had a restraining order before. Anyway, the point is I was venting to my friend and he said I should look into voiceover work. So I'm going to try it.
I was sitting backstage of the murder mystery dinner theatre gig I do, talking with fellow actors and I try not to be bitter or jealous when they talk about the things they've booked, their fancy agents and auditions for SNL and la dee da. Well, we can't all be instant successes. I love these people, I'm simply very jealous. I realize that its unattractive, but sometimes emotions come without our control. I am grateful. PLEASE don't misunderstand. I am grateful for my improv class with people I adore. We like each other so much we are having a pool party outside class. I know, right??? Im grateful for this dinner theatre gig and the show I just did and all the wonderful people I've met and I have a website and I'm starting my IMDB. I'm trying here. Anyway, I guess I'd rather surround myself with successful actors instead of people who have NO idea what they are talking about. For that I am also grateful even if I feel outside this silly magical wall sometimes.
While we were chatting I mentioned I wanted to just try voice overs to see how it would go. Might as well right? I mentioned it and the groans came. From their experience more people will audition for a vo than an acting gig (WHAT??) and it's hard because companies will want you to do a lot of voices to cut their expenses(pay less people), which is very capitalistic of them and I respect that. Maybe I should take a vo class? We'll see. I'm going to try it anyway! I literally have nothing to lose. I'm at that point. Well, whatever.. might as well! Can only go up from here.
Anyway, the show went great tonight! The audience was there and involved and loving it. So that was fun, then I drove to Sherman Oaks to catch the end of a friend's surprise party. I think my favorite part of the evening however, was passing by downtown la on the 10 east, my eyes resting on the familiar arc of the staples center and " I had the time of my life" (the 80's version) was on the radio. And the dreams flooded in, the visions. Yes, I am a baby in this world, yes, I am at the beginning. But maybe, the inches closer I've gotten in the last few months will grow to great lengths int he upcoming years??? Here's to hoping!
Oh. I am also extremely restless and crying a lot because I feel so vulnerable due to the lack of "success" whatever intangible vagueness that represents for everyone... which is strange for someone who is simultaneously so happy with life. Hey, I'm a girl and I'm an artist. What do you want from me?! I am also FAR too stressed by the student loans I have lingering over me. I feel guilty spending money with this much debt.. which is sad because life requires money quite often. I had the urge to get a "real" job for a year or two and live like a homeless basically, be debt free by 26 and then pick up acting again. The risks of that are I would do well in the corporate world, advance, get used to a certain lifestyle and stick with it until one day I'd be gazing out of my skyrise office to the world below and I'll say to myself, " I had a dream once, what happened?" and that would be heartbreaking. I think I would hate myself then. I would feel as if I lost the most important parts of myself, the things that were most "me" to begin with.So I'm not sure if it's faith or sheer stupidity, but I'm still gonna stay on the actor track. I'm young! Let me make my mistakes if I must... I'm good at it. I can rock it, all I need is some kind of door. It doesn't even have to be all the way open, just as long as I can stand close enough to knock really loud and often.
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