Weirdest Audition By FAR!!!

Today was by far the STRANGEST AUDITION I"VE EVER BEEN TO!!!! I seriously don't even know how to describe it to you. It was for some radio job working consistently on the air. First of all, it was in this run down, tagged building in a sketchy part of town. I drove around several times just to make sure other people were entering the building. I parked my car across the street and after I saw another young girl walk in the building, I got out, gathered my resume, blazer and courage as I paced to the location. Everything that came afterwards was something that could have only happened in the twilight zone. The second I walked in, the lobby was empty. A strong, commanding female voice bellowed, "If you are here for the audition sign your name and go through that door on the left!" I finally saw the disgruntled owner of the voice at a desk behind a window. okay. Nice to meet you too. I went through the door. "Now, head down the hall, take the stairs to your left and await further instruction" and she said it so fast. I literally walked 15 feet and another lady said, in the same firm tone, " Please turn off all cell phones and pagers at this point." I pretended to, I actually didn't turn it off because at this point I wasn't fully convinced that I wasn't going to be raped and killed.

The building had an eerie mustiness about it, as if it was stuck in the 1970's with it's wood panneled walls and wool creme window curtains.I was very skeptical about whatever would happen next. A man was at the top of the three stairs. "Please take a pencil and enter the room to await further instruction." It almost felt concentration camp-y... like SUPER creepy. Thankfully, there were four other souls in the room at the front watching this old video probably made in the 70's about the fathers of radio. The announcer voice was as you could imagine as pixilated footage of busniness men with mustaches crossed the screen. The other four were silent. I payed no attention to the film, checked my watch every minute. At five after the scheduled time, I asked the group, "wasn't t supposed to start five minutes ago?" Which started a conversation about parking and traffic (the two inevitible topics between strangers in la). I found out they were just as weary and creeped out as I was. The brash yellow lighting from some small lamps that couldn't manage to make the room feel any lighter didn't help. The mood was dense. Ten after. what if this is one of those scientific social experiments that people do on test groups. What if we are a test group for experimentation?! What if we are being video-taped and recorded? What if they're just seeing how long we are willing to wait here before getting someone? Ugh. What if someone is wasting my time?!!!!!! grrrrrr. Not in a good mood.

Thankfully, shortly after that the president comes out in a suit that could match Lawrence Welk's. He had a soft, yet controlled voice and sideburns. As he commanded, the staff would appear on que in sequence as if doing a dance to his instructions. Bring papers in, play music, collect papers, bring more papers, no questions until the end. Watch an outdated video about the company, record a selection of reading in this room one at a time. Open the door. The device is already recording. Read it once. Pause. Read it a second time. Be six inches from the mike, leave promptly afterwards. You will be judged on your ability to follow instructions. WELL APPARENTLY, because there is nothing but monotone instruction in this place. I even tried to have a light conversation with the lady before I recorded, but she wasn't interested. After we had finished, she entered and said, "Mr. ____, the recordings have been completed". Which was obviously redundant because we all walked in and out and were fully aware we had all recorded. And there were five of us for crying out loud!!!! If he needed a reminder for five people, there are worse things happening here. I'll find out tomorrow if they want to offer me a job. Yes, a paying job on the air, which is why I convinced myself not to walk out. there's an opportunity for my own radio show. I've had a television talk show before, so the potential for networking with this kind of a platform could be gold. We'll see. Don't judge me! Maybe they have terrible social skills, but it's a payed gig. haha.

It ran late so I missed meeting some acting friends for a UCB maude night. They invited me to sushi next door to the theatre, but sometimes you just have had enough stimulus for one day.... and I'm on an actor's budget, so I'm going home to watch the bachelorette instead. Sheesh, I need to stop being so antisocial. This can't be good for my career....