I'm probably going to drive myself crazy if I don't kill myself first. This work ethic I have is eating me alive. Always gotta be doing better, progressing, booking the nest thing. I wonder if that's an actor trait as living usually happens from project to project.
Went to a couple of events today and got to meet other actors/ filmmakers. I got a few numbers and the people were actually cool and I enjoyed myself. Maybe this networking thing doesn't have to be miserable.
Oh.... and I read ANOTHER bio of someone who never really thought about acting as a career and due to major coercion by his friends did it on a whim and is doing better than I am. Ugh!!! What about us intentional ones? What about us dreamers? Maybe it's time to stop caring? If only that were possible.... It's okay Christina, calm down.... Stop comparing yourself or you will stifle your growth. Yet it's so easy to look around, especially as I'm meeting more and more actual working actors, but then again, maybe it's a good sign my community is more advanced than I am on this road.... It pushes me because I can't turn my inner drive off, seriously, where is the off switch so that I can start sleeping at night instead of thinking of everything I could do... But then again, all of this could change in just one lucky day, suddenly I could actually book something that matters and then maybe my stories would start sounding less pathetic and more inspirational. Anyway, thanks for listening, I needed to get that off my chest ;) Writing forces me to put my ambiguous thoughts and feelings into concrete words. It helps me survive. That and working out are my coping mechanisms for this crazy life of acting. I refuse to become bitter, I'm staying positive!!!!!
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