Anyway, since I was already in Vegas I decided to go see Jersey Boys... by myself. I suppose it was the artist in me, but I really enjoyed walking down the strip by myself in the evening. Lights dazzling off the shimmer of my lipgloss, curls bouncing, silk shirt blowing in the wind. And with so many people I felt invisible and I loved it. I melted into the warm evening air. Sorry I'm going on so long, I'm in this cute coffee shop and it just makes me want to write for some reason.
I actually asked the ticket lady if I could get in for free and after she looked at me like I was crazy, she offered me a discount that I reluctantly accepted. Hey, I'm on a budget! However, it has been one of my dreams to see this show and here I am standing at the box office. It's too late to walk away. So I found my lone seat in the back and started reading all the bios. Sheesh, once you're cast in something, it appears so easy to hop around. All the actors have done tours, off broadway, broadway, la jolla playhouse ect. I wasn't sure at the opening of the show, but the plot began to roll. Beautiful vocals are expected, but when I see a show, I want a moment- something that will touch my soul, that I can take home with me, something memorable.
Basically the show is about Franky Valley and the four seasons journeying through the ups and downs of show business. It ended up being surprisingly relevant to this point in my career since I've struggled so much this past year. The timing could not have been more perfect. If I saw this show a few years ago, it wouldn't have resonated with me. In life there are some things that only time can teach you. There was a portion of the show where the band was doing back-up harmonies for all the big stars. After a year of this, they confront the producer. "You guys need a name, a vision, a thing. I can't sell you when you keep changing the band name every couple months." And it stuck with me.
I've been here in La for the past year saying, " I just want to do whatever, to get work of any kind." I thought that by having this perspective, I wouldn't limit myself and the decision to take any type of work would open opportunities. However, watching Jersey Boys gave me new insight. Perhaps the lack of a niche is what actually limits me. I need a name and a strong one. I can't afford to be wishy-washy anymore. But what do I want my brand to be? What do I want to do? And the answer was simple. It was the answer that I've known since the beginning. I want more than anything else to work on period pieces of the roaring 20s or any age/ time-continuum with that type of glamour. I want to wear long red dresses and smoke long cigars and sit in lounges. I can be the sexy girl who is always smiling knowingly. Who lives in an age of no worries because it is an age where beauty is king. Chandeliers, lipstick. heels, glitter, feathers and dancing. I want to be girls similar to Daisy in the Great Gatsby, The seductress in 007 skyfall, the actress in Inglorious Bastards, nine, chicago, W.E. Midnight in Paris, Australia, Moulin Rouge. I need to market myself in such a way that when a producer says, "hmmmm... I need a beautiful, sleek, but smart girl to play in this glamourous period piece... who shall I pick?" The next immediate thought would have to be "Christina Carabajal!!!!" Duh, of course, no question. This is her thing.
This is a great revelation and better now than never. However, this now means I really need to update my reels. Find a way to make this type of work despite the obstacles of elaborate sets and costuming. Find a way!!!! The important thing is that it now feels tangible. This is something that excites me, something I know I can tackle, something that I can make beautiful. AH!!! How I love beautiful things. I will be contacting my writer friends for small shorts and ideas. And then contacting my actor friends for cameras and people and whatever venue will be believable. I have a focus and a vision and of course I will do what pays when it comes, but I have a point and a specific goal.
Anyway, the other part of the show that hit me was when "Franky" was talking about the ups and downs of the latter part of his career, how all the members started dropping out and then after all that, he sung the song that none of the producers wanted to market and the music started slow and sure and familiar. His voice was soft and it brought tears to my eyes, then the climax..."I love you Baby! and if it's quite alright, I need you Baby!" and it was a moment. It represented everything he overcame, the accomplishment of a dream in the business. I understood. After the song, the audience was clapping of course and for a brief second the actor put his hand over his heart, not "Franky, " but the actual actor and I completely lost it. I'm sure the woman next to me was probably wondering why I was crying so much. "Hey, I'm an actress in a constant state of looking for work and instead finding ridicule. you try it. it's exhausting!" Was what I wanted to say. I just kept crying instead.
which p.s. is what acting is. I am crazy. I am in an abusive relationship with my acting career, I'm very aware of it and yet I choose to stay in the relationship expecting the other party to change. That does make me crazy right?
Anyway, the show was the inspiration and the motivation I needed for the nest step.
Today in class, we did mini versions of our improv show with a monologue followed by three small scenes. I find myself unafraid to jump up, so I am trying to be careful not to hog the stage. I find myself thinking differently. I'm listening better and looking for the games of a scene. It's a very specific type of performance. Basically, finding an unusual trait and exaggerating it within the world, always heightening. The tricks are only choosing one game and clearly communicating with your partner, which is surprisingly more difficult than you would think. The point is that today I am hopeful. And I have learned to cherish that. Because most days hope is a rare commodity.
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